Waxing on control..

Control is a very big issue for all of us.  In fact, I believe it is quite central to our spiritual development.  We must give up control.  And because he is in control we must trust him.  We really don't have another choice.  We try to squeeze out all kinds of theological treatises and theories, but all they provide is a semblance of control.  All of us end up crashing.  Karen I give you permission (if no one else has) to allow God into your current state.  Don't try to move to another, more positive state to be with him.  Your current state of heart is the best place to meet God.  Ponder this passage from John 4:
"It's who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. 24God is sheer being itself--Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration."

So be yourself in your worship of God.  Ask yourself often, “How am I feeling?”  and, “Why am I feeling that way.”  Then process with God.  For if he is in control, that is his aim (like he says in this passage) – for you to simply and honestly be yourself before him.